Sunday, October 24, 2010
My life has been total chaos since my last posting several weeks ago. Housing issues, job issues, and of course the pitts of TTC.
Our landlord was threatening to kick us out because we were considering buying a home that wasn't the one that we are renting. He was furious. We found a home that is much larger than the one we are renting for the same price that our landlord wants for this place. So we had loads to consider. We would rather go for the bigger house, you never know how many babies we will make, so a bigger house just seems reasonable.
Anyways.... He told us that there was someone interested in buying this place. He also gave us a month to get out. The hubs and I started packing things away. The man came over to look at the house with our landlord. To his surprise he saw that we had boxes and boxes everywhere. He knew we meant business. Since he saw our packing, he has been back tracking everything he has told us. He wants us to stay here because he know he will lose $400/month in rent. And he is under huge financial trouble with this house. We are still packing. We will continue to pack. Its going to be about 60 - 90 days before we can get the loan for the house that we want to purchase. BUT, we may find something better. Something with land.
Not so much with me, as for my husband. Insurance is crazy. It really is. His employer decided that they are going to once again change the insurance. Ugh. They do this every year. Last year, we had to switch to a high deductible plan just because it was going to cost us to much to do the other plan. Next year they are going to start charging for the HSA, and not put much money in our account. Oh the hold they have over our heads. I would just say forget all of this insurance crap, but going through infertility treatments without this would be a nightmare!!
Finally: The TTC pitts
Here is the round up. Rember the goal progesterone level is 20
Clomid round 1 ~ 50 mg raised progesterone to 6.7; BFN
Clomid round 2 ~ 100mg raised progesterone to 22; BFN
Clomid round 3 ~ 100mg currently running through my blood stream
Tuesday I go in for the CD 14 ultrasound. We will then discuss if I am a good candidate for the hcg trigger shot. I'm really hoping that I am so we can better our chances of conception.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
1. plastic cups
2. glass cups
3. silverware and cooking utensils
6. Things with ooey gooey's on them like pots and pans
I just hate thinking that people was them in another order than this! The things that touch my mouth first will be washed first!! I dont want my forks sitting in a sink of ooey gooey things only then to be placed in my mouth!!!
You know husband, if we just had a dishwasher life would be soo much better!!
So far the only side effect is that I am extremely tired.
I go in on the 23rd to my OB for my annual check up. He wants to discuss what I need to do on what days during my cycle. I have a sono on the 30th to check if the clomid is working. Then on CD 21 more progesterone testing!!
2yrs and still going.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I just wish there was a magic button that i could push and make everything better. Allow me to hold my three precious angel babies in my arms. Allow my uterus to decide to house a baby.
I'm just so tired of failure. I feel like I've failed my motherly duties. I've failed my husband to bring him a child. I failed to make us a family....
TTC sucks when all we have had is negative. Just for once, just once, I would love something positive to come out of this. But, will it ever......
The day mommy and daddy got to see you for the first time Baby J was just so amazing. We heard your beautiful heartbeat and saw you moving around. I decided to make copies of this photo and put it in frames. One for me and daddy and one for each of your grandmothers. That was the best day of my life.
Then when we had that appt where we found out you stopped growing. I came home, saw your picture in the frame. I don't think I've ever cried soo much.
To this day whenever I look at that picture my soul becomes flooded with joy and sorrow. I know eventually I will have a child growing and staying with me.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
- My husband
- My sweet doggies, Rosco and Daisy
- My angel babies
- My family
- My dearest friends
- My job as a teacher
- The smell of playdough
- Chicken (I could live off of this food)
- Ice cream
- Books, books, books!!
- Swimming my day away
- The feel of the sun against my skin
- Snuggeling with my husband and my doggies
- The smell of bleach
- Clean clothes and sheets
- My home
- My car
Okay deep breaths....
My all time favorite book is.......The Wizard of Oz! There is just something about that book that captures all of my mind, all of my attention, all of my love.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Comedy, horror, romantic, romantic-comedy, Disney....WOW! It's too hard to choose! My husband and I just love to watch movies. I think my favorite genre is comedy of any sort. But I still do love me some Disney. My pick for favorite movie is....Drum roll please........Meet the Robinsons! There is just something about this movie that captures my heart, makes me want to reach and achieve all of my dreams. This moving is very inspiring. Honestly I could watch this movie each and every day.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
So without further adieu : DAY 1 ~ My favorite song
WOW! This is going to be much harder than I thought. I have so many great songs in my life. I am a very musically inclined person. Playing a musical instrument for over 8 years will do that to a person. Let's see.... My facorite song has to be "Just a Girl" by No Doubt. I have always been a HUGE GYNORMOUS No Doubt fan. I remember beign a little girl at my grandmothers house rockin' it out on her porch to this group. I totally think I rocked the air gutiar! Oh and her outfits! Gwen, you are just amazing!! Lo and behold my first ever concert :2009 No Doubt at the Verizon Wireless Music Center in Indy. Yep, I'm a No Doubt junkie!
- DAY 1 ~ My favorite song
- DAY 2 ~ My favorite movie
- DAY 3 ~ My favorite television program
- DAY 4 ~ My favorite book
- DAY 5 ~ My favorite quote
- DAY 6 ~ 20 of my favorite things
- DAY 7 ~ A photo that makes you happy
- DAY 8 ~ A photo that makes you angry/sad
- DAY 9 ~ A photo you took
- DAY 10 ~ A photo taken over 10 years ago of you
- DAY 11 ~ A recent photo of you
- DAY 12 ~ Something you are OCD about
- DAY 13 ~ A fictional book
- DAY 14 ~ A nonfictional book
- DAY 15 ~ My dream house
- DAY 16 ~ A song that makes you cry
- DAY 17 ~ A piece of art
- DAY 18 ~ My wedding
- DAY 19 ~ My talent
- DAY 20 ~ My hobby
- DAY 21 ~ A recipe
- DAY 22 ~ A website
- DAY 23 ~ A youtube video
- DAY 24 ~ Where I live
- DAY 25 ~ My day
- DAY 26 ~ My week
- DAY 27 ~ My worst habit
- DAY 28 ~ In my purse
- DAY 29 ~ My hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
- DAY 30 ~ My dream for the future
Saturday, July 31, 2010
No clomid......First he states that he doesn't want to put me on this because I get pregnant so easily. But since he found out my progesterone levels are so low he wants to put me on this med. This just really cornfuses me! I thought he didn't want to mess up my ovulation. I really have no idea. I guess that I am just going to have to voice my concerns and questions when I go in. HOWEVER, I'm really hoping that I get pregnant before then, especially since we are actively trying right now.
So prometrium and maybe clomid. Man who knew that my body would cause so many issues in trying to have a successful pregnancy.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
In other exciting news, Josh's car FINALLY kicked the bucket! It was the car I owned since I was 16. You may be thinkin, "man this girl is crazy for being excited about a broken car!" It was honestly a rolling death sentence. This was the third time that the transmission blew and we were not going to fix it again! The car is only worth $200!! I'm tired of spending money on that darn thing! So I decided to call the bank. I got my new Envoy in May. They told us that we needed to wait 6months before trying for another loan. I was a little worried that we would be a one car family for another 3 months! We work in opposite directions at weird times, so being a one car family is not an option. So I explained all of this to them. She put me on hold for a few minutes. Then she gets back on and tells us to go find a car!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, I go in for my progesterone testing. KMFC that the levels are not normal, which I don't think they will be with all of the research I've done. Which will be great if they are not normal, that would explain why we have had recurrent miscarriages. Anyways, after I get my progesterone tested I have to start taking Prometrium to help build up my lining. We can also start trying for a baby again. Which is wonderful btw!
Today I went to get my prometrium refilled so I have plenty when comes Friday. Now normally this RX costs me $400/month, so I've been getting it in two week spurts, because $400 was a bit much at the time. When I went today I asked to see how much it was. HOLY COW! She told me $50!! I was in shock! No joke I started dancing right there in Wal-Mart at the pharmacy!
You have no idea how excited I am about this decrease in cost! First off we met our $5000 deductible. So the insurance company is paying 80% of everything, normally we had to pay 80%. Our next deductible of $8000 will be the insurance pay it all. I think we will have that met by the end of this year, or at least I am hoping.
I'm soo excited to be just a pinch closer to TTC again. I'm ready!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
I just love how when our America has holidays, we the people have sales. BIG HUGEMONGUS SALES! 70% off then take 60 % off!! WHAT!! These people are practically asking me to take the items off of there hands.
First stop: Elder Beerman side walk sale. (yeah side walk sale inside a mall, whoonu!) Well, this side walk sale really really made me want to have a child more. It made me wish that Baby J was still growing inside me. It made me wish that My 3 other sweet angels were sitting in a stroller while mommy went shopping. This sale, full of baby clothes! Baby clothes by the dump truck load!! $20 outfits for $3!! Now who could pass that up!! Yes, it made my heart a little sad, but it also filled me with hope. Hope that one day I will be able to attend these sales with a sweet child. And get this, actually buy something for my living, breathing, crying child. What did I do? Well I picked out the most gender neutral outfit I saw for a 6 mo baby. Yes, I did! I put it in my baby box. (A box of baby things that I started when I was preggers the first time. It's kinda like a baby hope chest.) It is just the cutest thing! There are two onsies, one long and one short sleeve, a pair of green pants with a duck head on the butt. One of the onsies says "look I made you smile!" The other onsie has a picture of a duck. So into my baby box it goes. Along with all of the other things. Hoping and waiting for the day that I actually will have a baby to dress in these clothes.
Ohh, I also got some great shorts, $50 shorts I might add, for ONLY $19!! What! Nope, I'm not fibbing to you. That's the truth. So I bought three pair! Adorable, I might add! I also got a table cloth and a shirt for the hubcap.
At Kohl's I bought a beautiful $30 necklace for $9. I'm really starting to see that I'm a bargain hunter. Either that or America has opened up the gates of savings to me. She is like here Stacy, go out and shop for really cheap!
Then I went to Target. Oh target. The store I totally <3 with all my heart. It is a teachers dream! Especially that dollar section right by the entrance. OMG! So I totally spent $14 on dollar items. Items for my future classroom. Now, if only I would get the call saying that I got the job.......
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Well, here I am trying to lose that 10 pounds from Baby J and the 20 extra that I want to lose. so far I've lost about well, 8. I've really been trying my hardest at the exercise. Each day I spend an hour on my Wii Fit doing various activities. Love the Super Hula Hoop, by the way. Then I finish up by doing 200 reps of ab work. I can really see my abs starting to form muscles, and feel it too. I try to either go for a walk or swim on top of what I am doing.
Now the diet.....It has been harder this time to really focus on the diet. It's summer and I just love all the summer foods! Ice cream, strawberries, peaches, hot dogs.....I just have to keep reminding myself that I need to stay focused towards my babies. I'm doing this for them. I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this for my husband. I know that this is going to pay off in the end. It just has to.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Today I have an interview for a 4th grade teaching position!! WOOT WOOT! Yes, it is full-time and contracted! I am so very thankful for this opportunity to interview for this position! You have no idea how hard it is to even get an interview with over 300 applicants for one position. This job market is tough. It's like a fight scene from the movie Fight Club. Imagine teacher applicants in the waiting room, dressed in their best beating the crap out of each other to get the job. Now, that's not really what happens. We fight with words. Fight with our portfolios, lesson plans, and great smile! We know how to work it!
Today I am going to work it! I am going to show my mad interview skills so he will have no choice but to hire me! lol After my interview i will be waiting for a phone call to see if I got the job. Why does it seem like we are always waiting for the greatest things in our lives?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Well, after we ate lunch his dad calls us in a panic. He said he was having loads of paoin on his right side. He said he wasn't able to drive and could barely talk. So here we are between our hous and his dad's. We flew to Indy from my OB ton. It took us about 45 minutes to get to his house. We get there and is truck is no in the parking lot. Josh was in a panic, s he was the entire drive to his dad's. We tried calling his dad, but he was soo incoherent we were starting to get really worried. Thinking that maybe he is out driving somewhere and getting worse. Then we couldn't find the hospital, stinkin VZ Navigator led us the wrong way!!! Finally, his dad called us and was speaking normally. He gave us the right directions to the hospital, no thanks to verizon wireless. We get there and he seems to be doing fine. He didnt have a heart attack, thank goodness, but really bad kidney stones. Our day started at 7am and we didn't get home until almost 10pm. I am just thankful that it was nothing major with my FIL.
Ok, now to my OB appoitment. My BP was up, but I was just feaking out a little when they took me into the exam room. He goes through asking how I'm doing and such. Dr. C then tells me that the reason I bleed for so long after the procedure was because the placent was so embedded in my uterus. He had to practically dig it out! Then he states that he doesn't have all of the chromosomal testing results from Baby J. The part that he does have is all, get this, normal!! WTH!?! He said that they are looking over some of the chromosomes again b/c they seemed to be missing something. I should get the final results from this in about 3 more weeks. I'm not liking this waiting game, but it's what I gatta do.
I asked Dr. C about a vitamin deficiency. He said that my blood work was too good for me to have something like that. Then we start talking abotu my ovulation. He said that my counts when I was preggers just didn't make any sense. They were too high for how far along I was. He said it pretty much stated that I would have O'ed on CD9-11. Then I dropped the bomb on him that I did O on CD 11. I always do, with the 25 day cycle length. I never really knew this info about my body until I started temping. (*Tip* If you are TTC I would advise temping so you know more things about your body going into OB appoitments.) I guess I should have mentioned this summer, but I never thought that when I O'ed would really matter. I also told him about how my OPK's were always light, but my temps went up. Apparently I have early ovulation, duah! This causes my body to not prepare itself to keep a pregnancy. It doesn't allow the lining of my uterus to be strong enough to hold a pregnancy, thush my hormone issue.
Dr. C wants me to call him on the first day of my first cycle after mc. Then he is going to get me set up with more labs to see my progestrone levels, again. Then when we start TTC again, I have to take Prometrium, my $400/month progestrone medication, EVERYDAY to help build up the lining in my uterus to help prepare it for pregnancy. So I am taking it before and during pregnancy. He really doesn't want to give me clomid since I get pregnant so easily. The progestrone supplement is the best soultion. Eventually, he wants to do an SA on Josh.
I have to make a huge dent and effort in this diet. I have to do better than what I did the past time. Although, I am really starting to lack motivation. I want to help my body as best I can so I can sustain a pregnancy. Right now, I'm just in the waiting game...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Well.... We did in fact end up pregnant for the third time. We found out in the end of April. However, at the end of May the baby had stopped growing. I had yet another D&C. This time Dr. C sent Baby J off to get some chromosomal testing. I had the first round of blood work. My blood work came back normal. Now I am just waiting to hear about the test from Baby J. My next appointment is on the 21st. I hope to hear something then. The hubs and I will go through more tests to see why we keep having miscarriages. I hope they find some answers. I want to get to the bottom of this situation.
Meanwhile, I've been really trying to focus my energy on being positive and productive. I've been working out on a daily basis trying to get my body back into shape. I've been creating a heart wall that holds my positive affirmations. I'm hopeful that all of my dreams will come true. I'm just going to have to work hard and stay strong.