Monday, May 30, 2011

A new beginning

I start my happiness project at this web site:

This website has an Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire. I found this in the book that I am currently reading; The Happiness Project. I figured it is a good place to start. Hey, a girls gotta start somewhere.

On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most happiest, I scored a 3.13. I wonder how this will change as my life goes on with this journey of mine.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Happiness Project

Today I have started to read The Happiness Project. I'm hoping that after completion of this book I can start my own happiness project. I just need to do something with my life. This whole negativity of TTC has really brought me down. I need to look at what makes my life happy. Whats the good in my life. I'm on a mission to discover this happiness. Maybe it will make my journey to motherhood a bit easier too.

Here's to hoping!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


My heart is breaking.

I feel like I am being torn apart.

I feel all alone.

Trying to become a mother has been the hardest thing for me both financially and emotionally. Seeing people become parents hurts the most. Especially when you know that they are under no financial way to even go out and buy a $1 burger from McDonald's. Or those that do drugs. People who don't even have a home. Why can't I have a child? I have all of those things.

Except, my body is broken.

My body is literally killing my children. I feel responsible for what is happening, but its not my fault. I was born this way. And people miscarriages are not contagious! What i have you cannot catch. I wish I didn't have this. Wish I didn't have to base my life around the clock.

6am - vitamins and aspirin
6pm - vitamins
7pm - heparin
9pm - prometrium

Or have scheduled days for sex. Really this is supposed to be something enjoyable, not planned and ordered.

I guess I am just tired of not having what my heart yearns for. i want to be a mother, but will it ever happen??

Yes, i finally have the tools to get there, but will I get there before we go broke.

I'm sorry dear husband for not being able to gift us a child..........

I'm tired of being broken......