I start my happiness project at this web site:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
This website has an Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire. I found this in the book that I am currently reading; The Happiness Project. I figured it is a good place to start. Hey, a girls gotta start somewhere.
On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most happiest, I scored a 3.13. I wonder how this will change as my life goes on with this journey of mine.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Happiness Project
Today I have started to read The Happiness Project. I'm hoping that after completion of this book I can start my own happiness project. I just need to do something with my life. This whole negativity of TTC has really brought me down. I need to look at what makes my life happy. Whats the good in my life. I'm on a mission to discover this happiness. Maybe it will make my journey to motherhood a bit easier too.
Here's to hoping!
Here's to hoping!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Broken
My heart is breaking.
I feel like I am being torn apart.
I feel all alone.
Trying to become a mother has been the hardest thing for me both financially and emotionally. Seeing people become parents hurts the most. Especially when you know that they are under no financial way to even go out and buy a $1 burger from McDonald's. Or those that do drugs. People who don't even have a home. Why can't I have a child? I have all of those things.
Except, my body is broken.
My body is literally killing my children. I feel responsible for what is happening, but its not my fault. I was born this way. And people miscarriages are not contagious! What i have you cannot catch. I wish I didn't have this. Wish I didn't have to base my life around the clock.
6am - vitamins and aspirin
6pm - vitamins
7pm - heparin
9pm - prometrium
Or have scheduled days for sex. Really this is supposed to be something enjoyable, not planned and ordered.
I guess I am just tired of not having what my heart yearns for. i want to be a mother, but will it ever happen??
Yes, i finally have the tools to get there, but will I get there before we go broke.
I'm sorry dear husband for not being able to gift us a child..........
I'm tired of being broken......
I feel like I am being torn apart.
I feel all alone.
Trying to become a mother has been the hardest thing for me both financially and emotionally. Seeing people become parents hurts the most. Especially when you know that they are under no financial way to even go out and buy a $1 burger from McDonald's. Or those that do drugs. People who don't even have a home. Why can't I have a child? I have all of those things.
Except, my body is broken.
My body is literally killing my children. I feel responsible for what is happening, but its not my fault. I was born this way. And people miscarriages are not contagious! What i have you cannot catch. I wish I didn't have this. Wish I didn't have to base my life around the clock.
6am - vitamins and aspirin
6pm - vitamins
7pm - heparin
9pm - prometrium
Or have scheduled days for sex. Really this is supposed to be something enjoyable, not planned and ordered.
I guess I am just tired of not having what my heart yearns for. i want to be a mother, but will it ever happen??
Yes, i finally have the tools to get there, but will I get there before we go broke.
I'm sorry dear husband for not being able to gift us a child..........
I'm tired of being broken......
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Bruised
Today I took my 6th injection of heparin, 6th dose of aspirin. I'm starting to have some bruising from the injections, but am soo thankful for them. I call those bruises "bruises of love." I love having them because I KNOW that we finally have an answer to our reoccurring miscarriages. I'm thankful for the possibility to be having a child soon. Test day is Tuesday. I'm anxious to see what that day brings!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Versatile Blogger Award
A HUGE thank you goes to http://myinfertilityhurts.blogspot.com/ Iwas not expecting to get an award. To be truthful I haven't
been great at writing on here lately....
The Rules:
1. Winners ~ Put the above image in your blog
2. Include a link back to the person who gave it to you
3. Tell 10 things about yourself
4. Award 15 other bloggers
5. Contact the bloggers you awarded and let them know they won
10 things about me:
1. My husband and i have been trying to have children since Aug 2008. We found out that my body is killing our children by cutting out their nutritional supply by using blood clots (brutal I know).
2. I have my teaching license, just cannot find a job thanks to this economy.
3. I lived in Germany for 4yrs, while the Berlin Wall came down. My dad was in the military.
4. I have two black labs, Rosco and Daisy, who I love to pieces.
5. I enjoy reading, I just don't have the time.
6. I love to go walking, yet I have no one to walk with, so I either go alone or don't go at all...
7. I play the Sims and build the dream version of myself.
8. I love to paint my toe nails.
9. No Doubt is the best music group!!!
10. I'm terrified of needles, yet my husband has to give me injections for APAS..
My 15 awards go to.........
Monday, April 18, 2011
Butts
I dont think that my husband has looked at my naked rear as much as he has in the last couple of months for all this ttc necessities. Today I had my cd13 ultrasound with the RE. I had two large follies on the right, zero on the left. Which i'm okay with. I trucked my self over to the pharmacy and picked up my trigger. The husband gave me the shot when we got home. Yep this shot was in my butt. No I know he has seen it many many many times before, but its just different when he's going at it with a needle full of meds to help with this whole baby making process. I'm thankful that I have someone like him to do this for me. He's just one heck of an amazing guy. Why else would I be with him!! :) Anyways, Saturday I start heparin and baby aspirin. Wish us luck! I sure hope this is the time for us!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Money
Dealing with infertility and miscarriage is bad enough, but having to deal with that plus the money factor is a HUGE slap in the face. I cannot believe how expensive the meds are! And the thing is insurance does not cover them! Why? Because its not a life threatening condition.
What I dont understand is how people that cause themselves harm through some sort of dangerous activity (ie, drinking, smoking and drugs) get the coverage they need for issues that happen due to their risky behavior. Yet here I am who has not caused this condition and I'm the one to get punished financially! Makes no sense. I wish these insurance companies knew how it felt to walk in my shoes. Just to see if it would make a difference.
Yes, this is expensive, but it's more than worth it to be able to hold my living child in my arms.
What I dont understand is how people that cause themselves harm through some sort of dangerous activity (ie, drinking, smoking and drugs) get the coverage they need for issues that happen due to their risky behavior. Yet here I am who has not caused this condition and I'm the one to get punished financially! Makes no sense. I wish these insurance companies knew how it felt to walk in my shoes. Just to see if it would make a difference.
Yes, this is expensive, but it's more than worth it to be able to hold my living child in my arms.
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